Friday, 28 October 2011

Why any canal boat over 57ft needs a bow thruster

Traditionalists may scoff at those of us widebeam or narrowbeam boaters with bow thrusters. We may even be accused of not being able to drive a boat without one which isn’t true, except perhaps for a small minority. But it could be said that there’s also a minority of boaters without a bow thruster who can’t drive a boat anyway…
 
A while ago I talked about the SAFETY aspect of having a bow thruster, which nobody in their right mind can dispute. We’ve all seen experienced boaters without one pinned to the towpath, or sideways on across a canal…
 
Here’s a classic example of why having more control over safety is so important. No offence to Continuous Cruisers, but this is an ex Continuous Cruiser trying to turn his boat round this morning in a slight breeze,, in a marina! It took him an hour of dangerous, precarious perseverance whilst desperately trying to avoid the boats on our pier…
 
Spot the boat side on…
 
007
 
Bit too close for comfort…

008
 
Front end coming round totally out of control, the boat next door to us on the left got lucky…
 
010
 
Tell you what if he’d clattered our bow here he’d have got one helluva mouthful…
 
012
 
Our front end too, missed by a few inches…

013
 
Then moments later we noticed this Land Rover on the little road behind us being towed away. Front right wheel hanging sideways on…!
 
022
 
They say everything comes in three’s, so we’ll both be turning round slowly for the rest of the day, no sudden moves allowed…

Monday, 17 October 2011

Popcorn causes Panic

So we were sat watching David Attenborough’s “Frozen Planet" last night and we got an urgent phone call from down the pier. It was Mark the Spark wanting to use our microwave to do some popcorn…
 
This is nothing new, our microwave has been shared before, and last time he left the boat stinking of weird smelling potatoes. It was a genteel aroma, a bit like smelly socks mixed with rotten eggs. He did warn us in advance that they pong a bit while they’re being zapped, but how could we refuse a friend in need…?
 
Anyway he appeared with something that looked like a large envelope made out of tinfoil – fascinating. For a moment there we thought it was a lie and we’d have to do the smelly potato thing again.
 
But not to worry, this was the end result…
 
003
 
001
 
The background story: There is a microwave somewhere on his boat, but it hasn’t been located since he last had a clean up and stashed it out of sight. I know not why, and it’s best not to ask…
 
So there was only me and Tilly sat watching Frozen Planet while them two were farting about. Just at the exact moment the killer whale jumped out of the water next to the cameraman, the popcorn started exploding as it whirred round in circles…
 
As a result of this traumatic timing I nearly jumped up on the ceiling while Tilly nearly dropped to the floor….
 
I hate popcorn…   

Saturday, 15 October 2011

Bye Bye Tilly, Hello Hoover

Yes, Mark the Spark arrived this afternoon to collect Tilly and take her home – all of 3 boats away…

First of all we gathered together her many toys in a Tesco bag - several times, because she kept un-gathering them and scattering squeaky teddy bears everywhere again…

It’s already been blogged that this little puppy is capable of filling at least half a widebeam with methane gas - in her sleep too. So please excuse the repeat info (and it did repeat, believe me). But after careful thought, I’ve discovered there’s a second dimension to this breaking fart news. I mean it’s one helluva talent to be able to let off silent but deadly farts in dreamland and remain totally oblivious to it. Everyone else in the immediate area requires an oxygen tent to stay alive, except if you're lucky enough to have a cold...

Anyway, getting back to the heading of this post, I have to ask myself just how many little hairs can make up such a little puppy? They were EVERYWHERE… Hence the MASSIVE clean up op…

Job done, yet even so, little white hairs have been located in some rather strange places since then. For example, a bag of potatoes, and I won’t even mention my laptop… Well actually I have to, because whilst the clean up op was underway, Dave accidentally dropped it on the floor…

I was all ready to issue a lawsuit except it’s still working, all the dog hairs in it got jolted upwards onto the screen, making them extremely simple to extract…

Tip of the day: If ever you’ve got shit in your keyboard, such as dog hairs, biscuit crumbs, dead flies, simply hold the laptop upside down at about waist height, let go, and there ya have it, a clean laptop – even if it’s f*cked…
 
Finally,, check out that left ear ear, (well it’s her right one), it’s permanently like that – I mean loopy droopy…
 
011
 
Dave reckons he’s going to superglue a lollipop stick to the back of it… I mean you can try holding it upright for a while, but it still insists on flopping back down to where it was before…
 
Oh, and I also taught her how to “KISS” while she was here, ahhh, so for all the mess, we love her, and she loves us, that’s all that counts…
 
Oh, go on lap that up…

Thursday, 13 October 2011

The new eco fan arrives at last

Well, at long last the darn thing’s installed…
 
So here we have said Eco Fan in it’s resting place (?), well where it belongs anyway. The blades do actually turn in real life, I mean it’s not fake or anything. It was just taking a break this afternoon because the sun was out, and so was the stove…
 
Spot the Eco Fan in this photo…
 
009
 
Aha, there it is, a big bugger at a foot tall – needs to be for a widebeam too…
 
012

Three blades is better than two so they say, well after already giving someone else’s Eco Fan (with two blades) a test drive. I have to agree, it’s not a patch on this. The bedroom always used to be a noticeable degree or two cooler – not anymore… Woo Hoo…!
 
Well I must go, Tilly Mintdrop is VWB [TLA = Very Well Behaved] but it’s time to go for a poo, and it’s my turn to do the honours…
 
The phrase “shit hits the fan” comes to mind, even though it isn’t particularly appropriate…

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

When NOT to light a match aboard your boat

Last night the 3 of us snuggled down to watch TV together:
 
Here’s 2 of us…
 
005
 
And this makes 3…
 
002
 
Alas, as the wind was a’ blowing outside the boat, a different kind of wind was a’ blowing inside. I mean how can such a little puppy create SO MUCH GAS while flat out asleep…? The silent (but deadly) farts popped out at intervals of about 20 minutes, eventually the whole boat stunk with the subtle aroma of methane gas. I swear If we’d lit a candle to create an atmosphere of serenity, the whole boat could’ve blasted off into the night sky like a rocket…
 
While I required a gas mask, Dave didn’t even notice because he’s all bunged up with a cold, quote: “It’s alright for me I’m immune because I can’t smell a thing.” It was so overpowering (for me anyway) we opened the back doors, and even the luxury conserveratoree smelled like someone had just let off a stink bomb. Unbelievable…
 
Then while I was sat out back trying to breathe and Dave sat there trying to breathe for a different reason, she sneakily took over possession of the settee.
 
This is what we found when we came back in. Yes the arrangement with the cushions was all her own doing, I’m sure she knew, even though no-one said anything…
 
012 
 
Then later on playing hide and seek in her little bed, note how her red blanket colour co-ordinates nicely with the throw cover on the settee…
 
007


So nighty night and {hugs} says me with a peg on my nose – while madam remained aloof…

Monday, 10 October 2011

There´s three of us living aboard this boat now

No, I haven´t given birth...!!! We’re babysitting Tilly for the next 5 days…
 
At the moment she’s refusing to eat her tea because she knows we’ve got sausages in the oven. So what with that and other things we’ve sorta come to the conclusion she’s definitely more intelligent than both of us put together…
 
Here she is helping Uncle Dave light up the stove…
 
004
 
003
 
And this is what’s called finding a friendly human to sit on while messin’ about playin’ silly buggers…
 
008
 
011
 
014
 
Bless,, oh alright then - both of them…

Saturday, 1 October 2011

It´s Dave´s Birthday!

The award for BEST CARD goes to:
 
006
 
Poor guy looks mortified…
 
I would’ve taken a soppy photo of Dave surrounded by all his cards and presents, but he’s sat outside fishing with Mark the Spark. Besides he wouldn’t let me do the photoshoot thing anyway so sod it. However my new smartphone will be safely stowed away in my handbag tonight, tee hee…
 
With ref to tonight, several other “potty people” from our pier will be meeting up with us for a good old knees up down the pub – well, we’ll all walk there together, so I suppose the meeting point is our jetty… We’ve already started on the wine…
 
Oh, I also took these photos of a slice of birthday cake moon...
 
003
 
It’s so good here it is again 5 minutes later…
 
004
 
Neither of us like birthday cake – too stodgy, but moon cake...? Hmm...
 
But I did get him a present, a fancy new DVD player to replace the one that went knackered a few weeks ago, not that we ever watch DVD´s, but it´s the thought that counts...